Secrets of a Psychopath (6/10)

secrets-of-a-psychopath

Henry has a very unnatural relationship with his sister Catherine. Well, Catherine is played by Kari Wuhrer, so maybe it’s not really all that unnatural. I mean, you’ve seen Kari, right? Very fine. Anywho, Henry’s real dilemma is that he can only get it up for his sister. While she’s quite happy with this arrangement, Henry is greatly disturbed by it.

When Henry is not busy reading psychology books looking for a fix, he brings home girls he meets on computer dating sites, fantasizes about a wedding night with them, and then murders them in the hopes that he’ll finally figure out what “fucked him up” in his past that led to his current “condition.” Yeah, it didn’t really make all that much sense to me either, but hey, he is crazy, after all. Nor is his sister exactly a stable genius.

His latest bride-in-captivity is the beautiful Georgette, whose hot roommate he has already killed. While Henry is trying to get Georgette to help him get it up, Catherine is trying to get Henry to kill her. As it turns out, Georgette might just be the one that unlocks the puzzle of Henry’s floppy wiener.

This movie has a lot of What the Fuck moments, but none of them quite prepare us for the What the Fuckage of the last ten minutes or so. That was some I Can’t Even level of What the Fuck. Seriously.

I really can’t tell if this movie is good or bad, but it is certainly unique. In some ways, it feels like a throwback to 70s psychodrama or giallo, but it’s also just batshit crazy; though maybe that’s redundant. So, since I’m grasping at straws here, and it does have a couple foxy chicks slightly nude in it, I’m going to go ahead and recommend this to anyone looking for something that’s as intriguing as it is absurd.

Slasher House (6/10)

slasher-house

We open on a nude and unconscious young woman (8/10 would bang) with unnaturally red hair laying on the floor of a jail cell. Soon, she wakes and wonders, how did she get here? She opens a locker and finds a frilly dress in red and black with a post-it note that says “Wear Me.” After some more butt shots of her screwing around in the cell (I’m not complaining), an alarm goes off and the cell door unlocks. Realizing she’s still nekkid, she decides she should probably heed the post-it note and put on the dress (sad face).

As she explores what seems to be an abandoned prison, she finds a whiny dude in another cell. We learn that, while neither of them know why they’re there, the whiny guy remembers things from before, but the girl doesn’t remember anything, even her own name. We’ll call her Red.

Soon, another alarm goes off, indicating a door has been unlocked, but it’s not the one to Whiny’s cell. Red goes to investigate, and finds that a creepy killer clown with a history of child murder has been released from his cell and is very interested in seeing Red’s insides. In very short order, Cleaver the Clown has Red pinned down and is about to start hacking away, when he is stabbed in the back by Whiny. Red and Whiny team up and start trying to find a way out. They soon find other unsavory denizens, each locked in their own cell and waiting to be released. But which are the hunters, and which are the hunted?

This was a well-made low-budget romp with above-average acting (thanks, British thespians!) There were a few missteps and questionable decisions in some of the confrontations with the baddies, but nothing that can’t be forgiven. Photography and gore effects were quite good, each character was given enough of a backstory to make them interesting, and Red has a nice ass. While the plot had a somewhat paint-by-numbers feel to it, there were a few twists (some more successful than others) along the way, and the baddies were entertainingly comic bookish. Overall, it’s probably worth a watch.